A day in the life with UC

So many people without Ulcerative Colitis ask me, "what are your symptoms and what is a normal day for you when you are in a flare?"

Most of the time, I down play my UC and the symptoms I experience because frankly they are awful and I don't like to be miserable thinking about them, especially if I am experiencing them.

Here is the clinical definition of Ulcerative Colitis:

Ulcerative colitis is a chronic disease of the large intestine, also known as the colon, in which the lining of the colon becomes inflamed and develops tiny open sores, or ulcers, that produce pus and mucous. The combination of inflammation and ulceration can cause abdominal discomfort and frequent emptying of the colon.

Ulcerative colitis is the result of an abnormal response by your body's immune system. Normally, the cells and proteins that make up the immune system protect you from infection. In people with IBD, however, the immune system mistakes food, bacteria, and other materials in the intestine for foreign or invading substances. When this happens, the body sends white blood cells into the lining of the intestines, where they produce chronic inflammation and ulcerations.

Sounds pretty, doesn't it?  It's not.  Basically my body is attacking itself and they don't know why or how to cure it.  The symptoms I experience when I am not in remission, which we uc'ers refer to 'flares', are the following:

Abdominal Pain

Abdominal Cramping

Blood in the stools

Fever

Joint pain and swelling

Headaches

Fatigue

Skin Ulcers

Diarrhea

Sounds like a day at Disneyland, doesn't it?  Not so much.  Take your worst day with the stomach flu and maximize that times ten and that's a normal day for me.  I've been dealing with these symptoms on and off, daily for over two years. 

Does this disease define me?  Yes and no.  It defines how I live my life in numberous ways.  I have to think about things on a daily basis while in a flare that others probably cannot even fathom.

School for Kyle starts at 8:00 am.  I should be awake by at least 6:30 am so that if I have a rough morning, I can do what I need to do while close to a bathroom.  Mornings are a nightmare.  Because the lining of my intestines are so inflammed I cannot hold a bowel movement like a normal person.  If I am not near a bathroom, it's a very embarrassing experience.  Thus, this makes me have to schedule late appointments and errands.  I don't think I would be able to even commute to work unless I had a built in port a potty in my car.  Am I getting way to personal for you now?  Well you know what, I have come to the conclusion that this is my life and it's up to me to educate people on the disease.  I hope that in turn I may help people understand what I go through and maybe even help people who may experience similar symptoms. Let's face it, nobody likes to talk about their colon, intestines or bowel movements.  But, they are VERY important things to talk about.

My disease is like other auto immune diseases.  It just happens to effect my digestive tract.  Some days are better than others.  Sometimes this disease is so unpredictable.

Getting to know me

This blog post is to give everyone an idea about who Jen is. Will the real Jen please stand up?

1. My full name is Jennifer Lee Flanagan.

2. I don't like soda.

3. I am a sensitive person.  This can be a good or bad thing depending on the situation.

4. I was a member of The Phoenix Girls Choir for seven years.

5. I am a closet nerd.

6. My favorite band is Dave Matthews Band.

7. Meeting Dave Matthews is on my bucket list.  I adore him.  His music is so real and heartfelt.

8. I am indecisive. If you're my friend, it's just something you will have to deal with.

9. I talk to my fish like they are my kids.

10. I live with physical pain everyday. No joke.

11. I snore in the winter months.

12. I love British folk alternative music.

13. I don't understand the Taylor Swift hype. I personally don't like her music.

14. I am eternally loyal to my friends and family even when they piss me off.

15. I am writing a book that hopefully one day I will finish.

16. I talk a lot.

17. I sing lullabies to my kids every night before they go to sleep.

18. Every time I take a 'what political party are you' test, I always end up with Libertarian.

19. I am argumentative.

20. I have hipster tendencies.

21. I wish I was an event planner.

22. I like a lot of tv shows on the CW.  Yes, I'm not ashamed to admit that I like Vampire Diaries!

23. My parents were going to name me after a boat they saw in San Diego called 'Cheryl Marie.' I am glad they went with Jennifer.

24. My nickname is 'princess' given to me by my grandpa when I was maybe 5 years old. It came after I won second place in a beauty contest my parents entered me in.

25. I love being a mom.  I have never felt so much love before!  My kids own a piece of my heart.

26. I have three tattoos.  I hate one of them and hope to either get it taken off or get it covered up. I want two more.

27. I speak my mind.

28. My friends and family think I should open up my own event planning/catering business.

29. I love taking photos.  When I come into some money some day, I will get a fancy expensive camera and take some bad ass photos!

30. I feel that people sometimes don't know me or are quick to judge.

31. I love to cook!!  I think I may publish my own cookbook one day.  Even if no one buys it, it would still be cool.

32. I am not much of a fan of alcohol anymore.  Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy a nice glass of wine or martini from time to time, but it doesn't agree with me in my old age.

33. I have a lot of places I still want to see before I die.  I feel so free when I travel.

34. I'm not a huge fan of Starbucks.  Yes, I said it.  Don't hate.

35. I'm a bit of a dreamer.  If John Lennon were still alive, I think we'd be great friends!

36. I love superhero movies.

37. Music speaks to me.

38. I love to read.  It started at a very early age for me.  I used to have my mom take me to the library every summer vacation and I'd read about 7 books in a week. 

39. I have a small dose of ocd.  My ocd is in the form of cleaning.  You could seriously eat off from my kitchen floor.

40. I am a awesome multi tasker.

41. Every time I try to stay away from facebook, I fail.  I think that may change once I am working again.  The life of a stay at home mom doesn't include a lot of social interaction.

42. I don't like camping. 

43. I can play the piano, drums and guitar.  However, I'm not really good at any of them.

44. I love to give when I can to those in need.  I am no where close to being a selfish person.

45. I love to blog, but I'm not very good at keeping up with either of my blogs.  Trying to find the time to blog is difficult.

46. When I was in my early 20's I did some stupid things that if my parents knew about, they'd probably shoot me. More to come on these stupid things in a future blog post because I know you all are thinking to yourself, "what stupid things Jen?"

47. My husband spoils me.  Honestly, I love him dearly.  He definitely completes me.  He can piss me off like no other, but at the end of the day, I can't imagine my life without him.

48. I love to color.

49. I have a lot of faith.  I am a believer, but I also question A LOT!

50. I am a people pleaser...sometimes to a fault.

And there ya have it folks!  Do you know me a little better now?

Wearing my heart on my sleeve.

It should come to no surprise to those who love me, that I am a sensitive person.  When others hurt, I hurt, when others cry, I cry and when others feel pain, I feel their pain too.  This past year has been a roller coaster of emotions for me.  Between my auto immune disease, raising two kids, going back to school, trying to financially make ends meet, deciding on if I should work or not and issues between family and friends, I can say that I am ready for a new year.

Just in the past couple of months, I have had some eye opening realizations.  I have learned that the people who you hold to a higher standard than others, will let you down more often then you would like.  I have learned that sometimes my perceptions of others is far from the truth.  I have learned that you can know a person your whole life but suddenly find out that, that person has a totally different side to them you never knew existed.  I have learned that it's okay to speak my mind and to be heard regardless of what others may have to say.  I have learned that sometimes having too many friends is overrated.  I have learned that I can overcome my disease by being a strong woman.  I have learned that you should be cautious to those who bring you down.  I have learned that maybe being so open and honest, really does piss some people off.  However, the most important thing I have learned is that at the end of the day, a hug from my husband or my kids is all I will ever need.

I am taking a break from Facebook.  I know I've said it before, but really I need to.  I am a social person by nature so this will be harder for me than others.  But I really do waste a lot of time on it and it's really not very productive.  And because I wear my heart on my sleeve I am guilty of being one of those people who think a certain post is directed towards me or I will read a post a family member or friend writes and take offense to it especially if they blatantly know I may read it and say to myself "what the fuck?"

My friend Kevin asked me "what has been said to you that is making you take a break from Facebook?"  I sent him the following list:

1. I don't have the right to delete my posts if someone takes the time to comment on them. 
2. I am too opinionated. 
3. I post the same thing a lot. 
4. I need to stop living in my 'white picket picture perfect world.' 
5. I am a hypocrite because I believe in God but also support gay marriage. 
6. I post too many pictures of my kids. 
7. I need to stop being so sensitive to when people hurt me.

Here is what Kevin sent back to me:

I don't have the right to delete my posts if someone takes the time to comment on them.- It was your post. You can delete it if you want to.
I am too opinionated.- Anyone who says that to you is too opinionated.
I post the same thing a lot.- You never agreed you would provide them with varied entertainment.
I need to stop living in my white picket picture perfect world.- Build and live in any world you want.
I am a hypocrite because I believe in God but also support gay marriage.- They presume to speak for God? For your God?
I post too many pictures of my kids.- Post a lot more pictures of your kids!
I need to stop being so sensitive to when people hurt me.- This is a tough one. You are a very sensitive person. You feel things deeply. That isn't going to change.  They should be more sensitive about when they are hurting a friend.

Publicly I want to say thank you Kevin for opening my eyes, making me chuckle a little and realizing that it's okay to be me.

I have also learned that not everyone is wrong with their opinions of me.  Not everyone is wrong for giving me the advice they think will help me.  Not everyone is going to respond to me the way I expect them too and most importantly I have learned that people really do care about me and what I have to say.

My dad also told gave me some advice about Facebook and being who I am.  He said, "Jennifer, you gotta be you and part of you is Jennifer's Facebook page and or the post you write. You cant stop being you anymore than trying to stop others from being themselves with their comments back to you. BUT the decision is yours."

Thank you Dad.  The great thing about parents is that you're never too old to get advice from them.  I love you dad!

I will decide next year if I want to expose so much of myself on Facebook as I have done in the past.  In the meantime, I'm going to take everything to heart and reevaluate things.  I will also continue to wear my heart on my sleeve because it makes me who I am.  And I am proud of who I am.

Much peace and many blessings to you, my friends.

I Am...

One of the blogs that I follow, 'You Know It Happens At Your House Too' wrote a post the other day asking people to write about who they are.  Basically to allow us women to embrace how beautiful and unique we all are.  I don't think we do enough of this, especially us moms.

Here was her challenge : "Set a timer for five minutes and write.  Write using the prompt I AM ______________________. Don't edit, don't proofread, don't change it.  You are not required to share it with anyone, even though I hope you do, but keep it close by so that on those days when you are feeling really horrible about yourself (we all know that we have those days), you can look back and remember all the things that make you wonderful."

I took her challenge.

I am Jennifer.
I am 35 years young!
I am a mom to two very special children who speak to my heart everyday and who inspire me to be the best person and mother that I can be.  Some days they drive me insane, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  I would do anything for them.
I am a wife.  I try to be the best wife I can be to my husband.  Some days I fail, but to be fair, some days so does my husband.  We have grown up together, and we grow stronger every year.  I can't imagine my life without him.  He is spoiled.
I am indecisive.  Yep, that's right.  I change my mind A LOT.
I am opinionated.  I can't help it.  I have to say what is on my mind.
I am a daughter, granddaughter, sister, sister in law, cousin and niece.  I think I am good at all of them.
I am a friend.  A loyal friend.  I sometimes will still be friends with someone even if they have pissed me off or have talked about me behind my back.  I try to think back to why we became friends in the first place.  I know I clicked with them for a reason and so I hold onto that reason.  However, I'm not a pushover and if someone has done me wrong more than once, I'm okay with letting them go.
I am a cook.  I kick ass at it.
I am a baker.  I am getting better.
I am a complainer.  I can't help it.  I try to blame it on my genetics but I think I just like to complain...or hear myself talk.
I am a survivor.  I suffer with a chronic auto immune disease that has no cure.  I believe I kick ass at dealing with a chronic disease because I don't let it stop me from living.
I am a singer.  I used to be better than I am now.
I am a multitasker and I ROCK at it.  Seriously I do.
I am a travel enthusiast.  Someday I will finish traveling the world.
I am strong.
I am beautiful.  Imperfections and all.

I did it.  Now it's your turn!



5...4...3...2...1, GO!

35 things every women should know or have by the time she is 35!

By 35 you should:


1. Know when to pick your battles.  There's no need to battle everything, just the important things.  So choose wisely.

2. Know that there is never a right time to make major life changes.  If you want something, then go for it and take that leap of faith!

3. Know how to change a tire.  Or at least have AAA or add roadside assistance to your car insurance.

4. Own a good vibrator.  Single or married, embrace your sexuality and own it either with a partner or alone.

5. Have the ability to walk away from something or someone if you know your life will be better from doing it.

6. Have a journal.  Write down your emotions, experiences, stresses, goals...anything!  Look back on them from time to time to reminisce or to look at how far you've grown.  Remember there is only one you and you have a story all your own.

7. Have a 401k or retirement fund.

8. Learn how to cook.  Take cooking classes.  Or just go online and print out recipes that sound appealing to you.  Get in the kitchen and have fun!  Even if all you can make is one recipe, that one recipe will be golden at that next pot luck!

9. Have a current passport.  You may wake up one day and decide that you do need to take that trip to Paris or Bali.

10. Know how to do a great smokey eye..and no I don't mean a 'Jersey' smokey eye.  Log onto YouTube!  There are a ton of great make up tutorials.

11. Listen to your body!  Stop making excuses why you don't need to go to the doctor.  Nothing is embarrassing about your health.  What is embarrassing however is you, for not doing anything to take care of yourself.

12. Have the ability to admit when you have made a mistake and know the reality of how to deal with the consequences of that mistake.

13. Know how to say you're sorry and really mean it.

14. Know that cellulite, stretch marks, muffin tops and wrinkles...they happen.  I promise that you will survive.

15. Know that it is okay not to like everyone.  You don't have to feel guilty for not connecting with every person you meet.

16. Own the perfect little black dress.  You never know when you'll need it.

17. Own a couple pairs of awesome jeans that do your body justice.  Doesn't matter what you pay for them.  You must own them! And for the moms out there, put away those mom jeans! 

18. Own a good pair of red or black heels.  Or if you prefer, a nice pair of what my husband likes to call 'fuck me boots.'

19. Know how to defend yourself!  Take a self defense or kick boxing class. 

20. Have hobbies.  Knitting, reading, hiking, cooking, swimming, photography, gardening...anything.  Hobbies enrich your life.

21. Have a savings account and actually have money in it.

22. Do a ladies night with your friends at least once a month!  And for that one night, embrace the 'Ya-Ya Sisterhood' mentality (don't know what I'm talking about, then rent The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood).   Ladies nights with our friends renew our soul.

23. Have the ability to be yourself.  And be comfortable in your own skin.  There's nothing more attractive then that.

24. Buy good makeup. 

25. Have faith.

26. Own a nice set of dishes (or China). And not be ashamed if you just display them and never use them to eat off of.

27. Know your worth.

28. Have an obsession.  As long as the obsession isn't hurting anyone or isn't about anyone (because that can be kinda scary and a little awkward), what's the big deal?  It can be something simple like a t.v show you love or even a wild and crazy dream you want to fulfill.

29. Have a living will.

30. Know how to say no.

31. Stop making excuses.

32. Be informed on the world around you.  Know your politics, read up on current events.

33. Own a good pair of sneakers or tennis shoes.

34. Get off from facebook, twitter, pinterest or your phone and actually call or visit those you love.  There's nothing more special then face to face interaction!

35. Take care of you!  Pamper yourself, lift yourself up, believe in yourself.  Nothing is more beautiful than a strong you!

I hope you enjoyed my list!
~Jennifer

Ignorance...it happens.

Yes, I have been out of the blogging loop lately...did you miss me?  I was supposed to be starting a new job.  Yup, that's right.  A job.  Unfortunately that didn't work out for numerous annoying reasons.  However it did bring me to a conclusion that I will be at home for at least two and a half more years if not longer. Which means I have time to finish school (yes, that may actually happen), to work on finishing a couple of books (don't laugh even though I know everyone wants to publish a book nowadays) and most importantly spend quality time with my kids and give them the best nurturing environment I can provide.  Would the extra money/income have been awesome?  Hell yeah it would have, but at the end of the day money isn't everything.  Just like the lyrics from 'Dust in the Wind', from Kansas "And all your money won't another minute buy."  How true that is. 

So basically due to the fact that childcare costs so much money, it isn't worth me going back to work at this time.  That means a couple more years of budgeting, couponing and living without material luxuries.  Yes people, it is possible to do all of these three things.

Besides the whole job fiasco, I have also been dealing with some rude and ignorant people lately.  Go figure that those people happen to be family and friends of mine.  When I told a 'friend' of mine about going back to work, their response was, "You'll soon be a real woman again."  Seriously?  WTF?  So a stay at home mom is somehow not a 'real' woman?  I will only be a 'real' woman if I am a full time working mom?  The funny thing is that I've done the full time working mom gig and I don't see how that makes any woman more of a 'real' woman.  I'm going to put this out there, because well I'm still annoyed at how ignorant that comment was.  I am a real woman because: I fucking went through two pregnancies which both ended up in c-sections.  I've known how to live in pain every single day for a year and still manage to put the needs of my family first.  I have suffered both loss and heartache and managed to grow from those experiences.  I could go on and on about how much more of a 'real' woman I am, but I think I've made my point.  To this person I would love to say "Fuck you and your ignorant comment.  And don't try to tell me that you meant nothing by it.  You don't say something to someone if you don't mean it.  I'm sorry if your life is hard now because you actually have to work for a living and not sponge off from someone else.  It is called being an adult and putting on your grown up panties which is something I did a long time ago."

I've also been told by someone in my family that I act like I am above everyone else.   Um, really?  I would like them to explain that to me.  I guess it's because I just bought a brand new Porsche a month ago and I'm planning that back packing trip though Europe over the summer.  Oh and you can't forget how picture perfect my kids and husband are.  News flash!  My life isn't perfect but I sure as hell make the best of what I've been blessed with.  I am not above anyone else.  I shop for groceries on a budget.  I don't get manicures or pedicures.  I dye my hair from a bottle out of a box.  I look for bargains at thrift stores.  I haven't taken a vacation with my family in almost three years.  I suffer daily with arthritis and symptoms of ulcerative colitis.  Tell me how I am above anyone else? 

Another ignorant comment I've encountered lately: "You're not a real Christian, you're more like a buffet Christian who picks and chooses what they want to believe."  Don't get me started on how much this amuses me.  I love newly 'born again' Christians who think that just because they've all of a sudden magically been 'saved' that they feel like everyone else is beneath them.  They are the worst because they criticize the most and almost all 'born again' Christians I have met are the most judgemental.  They rank right up there with Atheists, in my opinion.  Always wanting to voice their opinions and get in your face about your beliefs.  But it's okay because they have been saved. 

People really amaze me.  You'd think that I wouldn't be surprised anymore at how rude some can be, but I always seem to be thinking to myself "you got to be kidding me?"  I've really had lots of annoying conversations lately.  I've had to listen to family and friends annoy me, berate me, give me unsolicited advice and even try telling me what I need to do about certain things in my life.  Last I checked, I was a grown 35 year old woman that is married and has two kids. 

I don't know...maybe I need to get out more.  I do spend a lot of time at home with the kiddos.  Last ladies night was about a month ago. Come to think of it, I've only had two ladies nights this year so far and it's already May.  But you know that brings me to another annoyance...I swear I always feel like if I want to get together with anyone that I have to be the first to set it up (minus two best friends of mine, who I don't count in this statement).  Why is that?  Why do I have to set something up?  That just stresses me out because then I am left asking myself the following questions: "who am I going to invite?", "so and so don't really get along", "so and so don't really know each other", "I wonder if I can get together with these ladies on one occasion and then these ladies on another?", "where should we go?", " "what day and time should we meet?", the questions go on and on.  Sometimes I wish us ladies were more like men and could go with the flow so much easier. But us women are bitches.  LOL!

I guess this is enough for one blog post.  I am going to try to blog more frequently but I can't promise anything.  This stay at home mom doesn't have time to watch t.v. while eating bon bons.  Nor do I have the time to sit in front of the computer all day.  Thank you for catching up with me.  Til next time =)

Sincerely yours,

'The one and only real buffet Christian woman who is more perfect than anyone else'

New Years Resolutions are for Over Achievers

First off, I want to apologize in advance to anyone who is a new years resolution maker.  I am not trying to offend you, but my personal opinion is that nobody really keeps their new years resolutions and if they do, then I swear they are the over achievers of the world.  And really, what the fuck is the point of a new years resolution if you have the same damn ones year after year?  If you never accomplish them, why in the world even bother trying?  Shouldn't we work hard every day at trying to be a better person or live a better life?  Nope, that's not the American way at all.  We just sin, make excuses for our sins and then in a drunken state on new years eve, decide that we're really going to change our life this year and we start making lists.  And sometimes those last for a good week or two weeks and if you're lucky, sometimes a month or two.  But then we start to back slide little by little.  My hat goes off to those who make them and keep them.  Kudos to you and for that I give you a big high five! 

I must not be an over achiever. I can tell you what things I told myself I would work on this year and then I'll let you in on how I haven't done my best on trying to keep true to my word.

Example # 1 - I will work harder at trying to update my blogs.  Hahahahahaha!!  As you can tell it's already February and this is the first blog I've written so far this year.  And let's not even talk about my food blog.  I think I've only added one or two new recipes.  I have to say a lot of that is due to the fact that I'm not eating like I did last year.  I've cut out a lot of processed foods, dairy, carbs and sweets so I'm working at making new healthier recipes.  Speaking of healthier recipes, it seems like not many people actually like to find those types of recipes.  I read a lot of different food blogs and I swear the popular ones with tons of followers have a shit load of crap that I can't eat.  Apparently people like unhealthy food.  As much as I try to have high hopes for gaining more followers, I don't know if my new healthy direction will be a hit.  But honestly, I am okay with that.  I love the followers that I have and even though I would like to gain more followers, I view my food blog as my own online personal recipe cookbook and I love referring to often.  As far as my personal blog, I will update that when I have time and whoever wants to check it out and get a glimpse at my personal life, then I will welcome them all with open arms and say happy reading :)

Example #2 - I will NOT let my UC control or define my life.  HA!  I honestly try really hard not to let my UC define me.  But it's hard to wake up every morning and have my first thought be, 'I wonder if I'll be able to make it out of the house before an hour or two' or 'I hope I can run some errands today.'  And there's occasionally a 'If I eat breakfast then I can probably skip lunch, do what I need to do and then just have a small dinner.'  On weekends if I have plans or if I know my husband will want to be out, I have to pre plan what I'll eat the day before so I know I will be able to go out without any real issues or worrying if I will start having issues while I am out.  Sometimes I have to cancel plans with friends and family and that also sucks.  I honestly don't think anyone who doesn't have UC/Chron's has any idea what those of us who do have it, go through on a daily basis when we are not in remission.  This morning I took my 8 pills and I laughed. I thought to myself that I really need to invest in a pill box like older people have for all of their numerous pills they take on a daily basis.  LOL!  I have now been prescribed Prednisone.  This is the next step in trying to treat my UC without having to go on Remicade injections and possibly surgery.  Neither of which I want to think about.  So, I've got the Prednisone, Lialda, Pro biotic, Vitamin D and my Auto Immune Multi Vitamin that I'm taking daily to help me control my disease.  I've also been cutting out major processed foods, carbs, dairy and sweets and I've included meditation and exercise in my daily routine.  It's been helping.  I'm starting to see a difference in my attitude regarding my disease.  If I tell myself that I'm going to have a great day, free of stress and UC, I have to say that it does work.  I still deal with my UC, but it's not as bad as when I wake up in a shitty mood ready to punch holes in the wall.  I also fib to a lot of people when they ask how my UC has been.  It is just so much easier telling people "ya, it's getting better" then it is to be all doom and gloom and say "yup, it pretty much sucks and I'm just hoping for a good day."  So it's a daily struggle, but it's okay.  I am not perfect and sometimes it's really not easy to just say I won't be stressed.  Life can be stressful and I'm only human.  I am looking into other ways to help ease my UC anxiety.  I have even thought about trying hypnosis.  What do I have to lose?

Example # 3 - I will take a break from Facebook.  Seriously y'all facebook is like crack.  And even though I've never smoked crack so I don't have first hand experience with the stuff, I have heard that it really is addictive, hence the reference to it when I talk about Facebook.  I've wrote about my love/hate relationship with Facebook before.  I still have that love/hate relationship with it.  I so badly want to not log on but I can't stop myself.  It's my social outlet during the day since I'm a stay at home mom.  I need a break sometimes and it's nice to log on and check out what the rest of the world is up to.  But I find myself refreshing my page like every 5 minutes sometimes just to see if anyone posted anything new.  WTF is that?  Why do I feel the need to waste precious minutes of my life on a social network?

Example # 4 - I will spend at least a half an hour a day writing on my book.  That my friends has not happened.  I did good for a week.  Then it went down hill after that.  And you know, doesn't everyone want to write a fucking book nowadays?  I can't find the time to even write on my blogs so you can imagine how the writing is going on my book.  If I do happen to find time, I end up realizing that sleep would be way better or I have homework or housework to do.  I am also such a perfectionist.  And it's funny because I know if my book ever got picked up, they would edit the shit out of it so it's probably better that I just write my little heart out and not worry about it being perfect.  Oh and if I focused on just one book at a time...that might help too.  I have three books going on right now.  I try to keep a realistic frame of mind when it comes to my writing.  I know I will finish at least one of my books.  That to me is a good resolution.  But thinking I will have time everyday is just not a reality for me at this point in my life.  Did I also mention that I have writers block lately? 

Example # 5 -  I will start crossing items off from my bucket list.  When my UC is in remission and I have more time and money I will definitely make this a priority.  Until then I have to focus on the small items on my list.  I don't think backpacking around Europe is really an option at this point in time nor traveling the country going to every Dave Matthews concert I can afford.  But I could handle small ones : spend more time on my photography, take the children to the Observatory in Flagstaff, sign up for Wilton Cake Decorating classes, hop in the car on a Saturday for a road trip with the family and have nothing pre planned and take a zumba or  some other type of dance class.  I have to tell you, that writing your own bucket list and keeping it handy is definitely something that everyone should do.  You want to live your life to the fullest and try to do as many things as possible.  If I had to pick one resolution to genuinely keep, this would definitely be the one I would keep.  Remember there is nothing too small or too big to put on your list.

Example # 6 - I will make more time for 'date nights' with the hubby.  This is really hard to do when you are super anal parents and only trust a small handful of people with your children.  Our 'date nights' have consisted of 'movie nights' at home after the kids are in bed.  God bless my parents, but they are busy and a lot of the time, they work on weekends so it's hard to plan a date night.  I even suggested to my husband last night that we head out of town to Vegas, Catalina Island or even San Francisco to which he said "I don't want to be in another state away from our kids."  You'd think that came out of my mouth.  So, we're making it work as best as we can and we will utilize my parents when we can.  But until we both become less anal with who watches our children, we may have many more 'movie nights at home.'

So that's it folks.  Before you think I'm some 'Negative Nancy', stop and rethink that. I'm pretty happy and positive I'd say 85 % of the time.  I always try to keep my head above water and tell myself that I have a pretty good life and lots to be blessed about.  Which is true.  I can't complain too much.  I know that a lot of others have far worse problems.  I thank my lucky stars daily even when I'm having a shitty day because I am alive and breathing.  I however am realistic about things and I believe that keeps me grounded.  I am going to do my best to work at all of these resolutions of mine but I'm no over achiever.  Good luck to all of you this new year!